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Saturday, February 03, 2007

Boob implants and viagra...

Choosing A Wife
A man wanted to get married. He was having trouble choosing among three likely candidates. He gives each woman a present of $5,000 and watches to see what they do with the money.
]The first does a total make over. She goes to a fancy beauty salon gets her hair done, new make up and buys several new outfits and dresses up very nicely for the man. She tells him that she has done this to be more a attractive for him because she loves him so much.

The man was impressed.
The second goes shopping to buy the man gifts. She gets him a new set of golf clubs, some new gizmos for his computer, and some expensive clothes. As she presents these gifts, she tells him that she has spent all the money on him because she loves him so much.
Again, the man is impressed.
The third invests the money in the stock market. She earns several times the $5,000. She gives him back his $5,000 and reinvests the remainder in a joint account. She tells him that she wants to save for their future because she loves him so much.
Obviously, the man was impressed.
The man thought for a long time about what each woman had done with the money he'd given her.
Then, he married the one with the biggest boobs.
Men are like that, you know.
There is more money being spent on breast implants and Viagra today than on Alzheimer's research.
This means that by 2040, there should be a large elderly population with perky boobs and huge erections and absolutely no recollection of what to do with them.

How's your handicap ?

Always think positive.
An American golfer playing in Ireland hooked his drive into the woods. Looking for his ball, he discovered a little Leprechaun flat on his back, with a big bump on his head and the golfer's ball beside him. Horrified, the golfer got his water bottle from the cart and poured it over the little guy, reviving him. "Arrgh! What happened?" the Leprechaun asked. "I'm afraid I hit you with my golf ball," the golfer says."Oh, I see. Well, ye got me fair and square. Ye get three wishes, so whaddya want?" "Thank God, you're all right!" the golfer answers in relief. "I don't want anything, I'm just glad you're OK, and I apologize." And the golfer walked away."What a nice guy," the Leprechaun said to himself. "I have to do something for him. I'll give him the three things I would want... a great golf game, all the money he ever needs, and a fantastic sex life."
A year went by quickly (as it does in stories like this), and the American golfer came back. On the same hole, he again hit a bad drive into the woods and the Leprechaun was there waiting for him. "T'was me that made ye hit the ball here," the little guy said. "I just want to ask ye, how's yer golf game?" "My game is fantastic!" the golfer replied . "I'm an internationally famous golfer now." He then added, "By the way, it's good to see you're all right." "Oh, I'm fine now, thankye. I did that fer yer golf game, you know. And tell me, how's yer money situation?""Why, it's just wonderful!" the golfer answered. "When I need cash, I just reach in my pocket and pull out $100.00 bills I didn't even know were there!" "I did that fer ye also." And tell me, how's your sex life?" The golfer blushed, and turned his head away in embarrassment, and said shyly, "It's OK." "C'mon, c'mon now," urged the Leprechaun, "I'm wanting to know if I did a good job. How many times a week?" Blushing even more, the golfer looked around then whispered, "Once, sometimes twice a week." "What??" responded the Leprechaun in shock. "That's all? Only once or twice a week?" "Well," said the golfer, "I figure that's not bad for a Catholic priest in a small parish."