Total Pageviews

Monday, May 26, 2008

How Scottish are you .....

Scottishness Test
All you have to do to take this test is read the jokes below. If you 'get
the joke' first time, award yourself one point. The higher your score, the
more Scottish you are.
1.  A pregnant teenage girl phones her dad at midnight and says:
'Can you come and get me? I think ma water has broken
'Okay,' says her dad. 'Where are you ringing from?'
'From my knickers tae ma feet.. '

2. A Glasgow woman goes to the dentist and settles down in the chair.
'Comfy?'asks the dentist.
'Govan,' she replies.

3. What did the Siamese twins from
Glasgow call their
autobiography ..?
Oor Wullie..

4. A guy walks into an antiques shop and says: 'How much for
the set of antlers?'
'Two hundred quid,' says the bloke behind the counter.
'That's affa dear,' says the guy.

5. Did you hear about the fella who liked eating bricks and
cement?
He's awa' noo.

6. After announcing he's getting married, a boy tells his pal
he'll be wearing the kilt.
'And what's the tartan?' asks his mate.
'Oh, she'll be wearing a white dress,'

7. Ten cows in a field. Which one is closest to
Iraq ?
Coo eight..

8. Three wee jobbies sitting on the pavement.
Which one's a Musketeer?
The dark tan yin.

9. Scotsman in
London is having trouble phoning his sister
from a telephone box, so he calls the operator who asks in a plummy voice:
'Is there money in the box?'
'Naw, it's just me,' he replies.

10. While getting ready to go out, a wee wifie says to her
husband: 'Do you think I'm getting a wee bit pigeon chested?'
And he says: 'Aye, but that's why I love you like a doo.'

11.What was the name of the first Scottish cowboy?
Hawkeye The Noo.

12. What do you call a pigeon that goes to
Aviemore for its
holidays?
A skean dhu.

13. How many Spanish guys does it take to change a lightbulb?
Just Juan.

14. A man takes a pair of shoes back to the shop and complains
there is a lace missing.
'No,' argues the assistant,
'look at the label – it says Taiwan .'

15.What's the difference between
The Rolling Stones and an
Aberdeen sheep farmer? The Rolling Stones say: 'Hey you, get offa my cloud.'
And an Aberdeen sheep farmer says: 'Hey McLeod, get offa ma ewe.'

16. What do you call an illegitimate Scottish insect?
A wee fly b*****d.

17. Did you hear about the BBC Scotland series that features the queue for
the toilets at Waverley Station? It's called The Aw'Needin' Line.

18.A Glasgow man - steaming and skint - is walking down Argyle Street .
When he spots a guy tinkering with the engine of his car!
'What's up Jimmy?' he asks.
'Piston broke,' he replies.
'Aye, same as masel...

19. Why was the Chinese restaurant so bad?
Because the chef was Low Ping.

20. While being interviewed for a job as a bus driver, a guy is asked:
'What would you do if you had a rowdy passenger?'
'I'd put him off at the next stop,' he says.
'Good. And what would you do if you couldn't get the fare?'
'I'd take the first two weeks in August,' he replies.

9 comments:

bernard n. shull said...

i did a little research after you told me about your "thing", and if you want a way to make more money using your your blog you can enter this site: link. bye.

Renae said...

Those are hilarious !!! LOLOL !! I only got about a quarter of them at first, but I still laughed!!!

Puss-in-Boots said...

Hi Shona. My ancestry is Irish, but I still got those jokes. I loved "what's the tartan!"

Hope all is well with you. I haven't seen you in Grand Plaza yet, but we probably wouldn't recognise each other if we did, anyway...lol.

Take care.

Hugs

Michael Manning said...

Shona: I'm seeing a new side of you with the Funny!!!!!!:D)

bernard n. shull said...

hi mate, this is the canadin pharmacy you asked me about: the link

Gwen said...

Hi Shona.
Long time since my last visit,hope all is well with you and yours.
I got 15 from 20 but I had a slight
advantage I have a few scottie pals
stay well.

Alice said...

I must be half Scottish as I got 10 of them...actually, I don't think I have any Scottish ancestry at all....but I love Scotland, though.

Cheers, Shona.

Jeanette said...

H Shona..I got 12 of them right, they all gave me a good chuckle, this was my fav.pregnant teenage girl ,, Hugs

Michael Manning said...

Hi, Shona: You do know #6 is a killer! :D)!!!!!!

HAPPY NEW YEAR TO YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!!