Learrn Chinese in 5 Minutes!

Hi Guy's,

got this in an email this week and laughed my butt off.

Not racist just good use of letters.

enjoy ....lol

Learn Chinese In 5 Minutes

1) That's not right

Sum Ting Wong

2) Are you harboring a fugitive?

Hu Yu Hai Ding?

3) See me ASAP

Kum Hia Nao

4) Stupid man

Dum Fuk

5) Small horse

Tai Ni Po Ni

6) Did you go to the beach?

Wai Yu So Tan?

7) I bumped into a coffee table

Ai Bang Mai Fa Kin Ni

8) I think you need a face lift

Chin Tu Fat

9) It's very dark in here

Wao So Dim?

10) I thought you were on a diet?

Wai Yu Mun Ching?

11) This is a tow away zone

No Pah King

12) The appointment is scheduled for next week

Wai Yu Kum Nao?

13) Staying out of sight

Lei Ying Lo

14) He's cleaning his automobile

Wa Shing Ka

15) Your body odor is offensive

Yu Stin Ki Pu

16) Great

Fa Kin Su Pah

Feeling LARGER than life !

Unsure if I would eat here as I already feel a bit too well rounded lol. Love Vietnamese food though !
Why are most of them skinny??? ....Go figure ..huh

The person thats incharge of marketing needs to be fired ..lol

What would we do without sisters.

Today I woke up late... too late.
Too late to call my sister, you see I am in Australia and she is in Scotland.
This makes it hard to get in touch at a normal hour. So unless I am up before seven I miss out on our wee chat. This 20 or 30 mins of nonesense in my day starts me off on the right foot with a bounce in my step. She is sleeping as we speak.

Hope my two beautiful girls are as close as we are when they are all grown up.
SW

Shananagans

"Paddy Mick Sean and Gerry"

Two men walk into a pet shop in Dingle, Ireland. They head to the bird
section, and Gerry says to Paddy, "Dat's dem."
The owner comes over and asks if he can help them.
"Yeah, we'll take four of dem dere little budgies in dat cage up
dere," says Gerry
The owner puts the budgies in a paper bag. Paddy and Gerry pay for the
birds, leave the shop and get into Gerry's truck to drive to the top
of Connor's Pass.
At Connor's Pass, Gerry looks down at the 1,000 ft. drop and says,
"Dis looks like a grand place." He takes two birds out of the bag, puts them
on his shoulders and jumps off the cliff.
Paddy watches as Gerry falls all the way to the bottom, killing
himself stone dead. Looking down at the remains of his best pal, Paddy shakes
his head and says, "Fook dat. Dis budgie jumping is too fook'n dangerous
for me!".

.....THERE'S MORE

Moments later, Mick arrives up at Connor's Pass. He's been to the pet
shop too, and walks up to the edge of the cliff, carrying another paper
bag in one hand and a shotgun in the other.
"Hi, Paddy. Watch dis" Mick says. He takes a parrot from the bag and
throws himself over the edge of the cliff. Paddy watches as half way down,
Mick takes the gun and shoots the parrot.
Mick continues to plummet down and down, until he hits the bottom, and
breaks every bone in his body. Paddy shakes his head and says, "And I'm
never trying dat parrotshooting either!"

..... IT'S NOT OVER YET

Paddy is just getting over the shock of losing two friends, when Sean
O'Driscoll appears. He's also been to the pet shop, and is carrying a
paper bag, out of which he pulls a chicken. Sean O'Driscoll then hurls
himself off the cliff and disappears down and down, until he hits a
rock and breaks his spine.
Once more Paddy shakes his head in disbelief, "Fook dat, lads. Dese
adventure sports are too dangerous for me.... First dere was Gerry with
his budgie jumping.... den Mick parrotshooting..... and now Sean and his
fook'n hen gliding.

Birds of Paradise

It is hard to remember life without these beautiful birds flying around our property here in tropical Queensland. Sometimes the most beautiful of creatures have been right under our noses all the time (or over our heads). Note to self "Slow down and smell the roses".

From your Mom.

To my dear beautiful children,
You mean so very much to me.
Even when your not your best,
it's your love I'll always see.

I have loved you from the beginning
how much you'll never know.
Until you hold your children
and then you'll know it's so.

You have given me many memories
that are ingrained into my heart
and even when your grown and gone
we will never feel apart.

I wish for you all that life can give,
of love peace and happiness.
With all the good that you can take
for I'd wish you nothing less.

My special special children
I love you each and every one
and my love still grows stronger
with each arising sun.

I love you

mommy

Open your Mind !!!

Alice Walker:

No person is your friend who demands your silence, or denies your right to grow.

Harold Nicolson:

We are all inclined to judge ourselves by our ideals; others, by their acts.

Michel de Montaigne:

There is no man so good, who, were he to submit all his thoughts and actions to the laws, would not deserve hanging 10 times in his life.

To my sister.... who has always been there for me, I love you and treasure you sis. Thank you for being my Best Friend.
I will Love you always.xxx

Think before you speak

Think before you speak... Here are six reasons why you should think before you speak - the last one is great! Have you ever spoken and wished that you could immediately take the words back... or that you could crawl into a hole? Here are the Testimonials of a few people who did....

FIRST TESTIMONY:

I walked into a hair salon with my husband and three kids in tow and asked loudly, "How much do you charge for a shampoo and a blow job?" I turned around and walked back out and never went back My husband didn't say a word... he knew better.

SECOND TESTIMONY:

I was at the golf store comparing different kinds of golf balls. I was unhappy with the women's type I had been using. After browsing for several minutes, I was approached by one of the good-looking gentlemen who works at the store. He asked if he could help me. Without thinking, I looked at him and said, "I think I like playing with men's balls."

THIRD TESTIMONY:

My sister and I were at the mall and passed by a store that sold a variety of candy and nuts. As we were looking at the display case, the boy behind the counter asked if we needed any help. I replied, "No, I'm just looking at your nuts." My sister started to laugh hysterically. The boy grinned, and I turned beet-red and walked away. To this day, my sister has never let me forget.

FOURTH TESTIMONY:

While in line at the bank one afternoon, my toddler decided to release some pent-up energy and ran amok. I was finally able to grab hold of her after receiving looks of disgust and annoyance from other patrons. I told her that if she did not start behaving "right now" she would be punished. To my horror, she looked me in the eye and said in a voice just as threatening, "If you don't let me go right now, I will tell Grandma that I saw you kissing Daddy's pee-pee last night!" The silence was deafening after this enlightening exchange. Even the tellers stopped what they were doing. I mustered up the last of my dignity and walked out of the bank with my daughter in tow. The last thing I heard when the door closed behind me, were screams of laughter.

FIFTH TESTIMONY:

Have you ever asked your child a question too many times? My three-year-old son had a lot of problems with potty training and Iwas on him constantly. One day we stopped at Taco Bell for a quick lunch in between errands. It was very busy, with a full dining room. While enjoying my taco, I smelled something funny, so of course I checked my seven-month-old daughter, she was clean. The realized that Danny had not asked to go potty in a while. I asked him if he needed to go, and he said "No". I kept thinking,"Oh Lord, that child has had an accident, and I don't have any clothes with me." Then I said, "Danny, are you SURE you didn't have an accident?" "No," he replied. I just KNEW that he must have had an accident, because the smell was getting worse. Soooooo, I asked one more time,"Danny, did you have an accident?" This time he jumped up, yanked down his pants, bent over, spread his cheeks and yelled"SEE MOM, IT'S JUST FARTS!!" While 30 people nearly choked to death on their tacos laughing, he calmly pulled up his pants and sat down. An old couple made me feel better,thanking me for the best laugh they'd ever had!

LAST BUT NOT LEAST TESTIMONY:

This had most of the state of Michigan laughing for 2 days and a very embarrassed female news anchor who will, in the future, likely think before she speaks. What happens when you predict snow but don't get any ! We had a female news anchor that, the day after it was supposed to have snowed and didn't, turned to the weatherman and asked: "So Bob, where's that 8 inches you promised me last night?" Not only did HE have to leave the set, but half the crew did too they were laughing so hard! Now, didn't that feel good? Tell it to someone you know who needs a laugh and remember, we all say things we don't really mean, so..... think before you speak!!